8 Guestbook Entries

  1. Karin Smith from PASAC
    Posted June 9, 2011 at 6:44 pm | Permalink

    Hello fellow partners,

    Feel free to post a comment in our guestboook. If you are seeking support to understand the survivor in your life, please use the form on the contact page to get in touch.

    We look forward to hearing from you!

  2. charles j.
    Posted July 13, 2011 at 5:21 pm | Permalink

    Hi. Im a 54 year old, sexually and physycally abused by authority figures as well as people I trusted. Mental abuse (name calling, laughter, pointing out worthlessness), Have followed me all my life. Somee temporary relief is found in fanatical religeous
    participation, but when I am alone I suffer. I have learned to live with this, went to therapy for 7 years, thought i had it liked, but lonliness and guilt still prevail. I could be of some help to thers but I also need help myself.

  3. Toby
    Posted August 24, 2011 at 6:03 pm | Permalink

    I have been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2, he told me early on that he was sexually abused. I listened and didn’t push the issue any further. He assured me that he had dealt with it. I did a lot of research to try to educate myself. But nothing prepared me for finding a naked picture of him that he posted to a male website. He is not gay, but has this “addiction” to attention. He vows he loves me but doens’t know if he can be with me while he recovers. He also doesn’t know if he wants to recover.

    He went to a sex addiction clinic over 10 years ago and while seeking help, he and the therapist slept together.

    Outside of this, our lives were perfect, healthy, pleasant, no fighting, no unkind words, lots of laughing and lots of love…and then I found this picture that he sent and confronted him.

    I need therapy as much as he does now. I feel as though I have lots my best friend and I truly don’t know what to do.

    I wish I could speak to someone who was in my shoes…I am sure there are people out there that have experienced the same thing as me.

  4. "P"
    Posted October 6, 2011 at 1:04 am | Permalink

    i was sexualy abused as a child and at 40 sumthing years old is the first time tonight i mentioned it to my mother, i felt sum kinda of release but know in my heart i have a lot more healing and getting over it, tonight as old as i am i took the first step to trying to recover from a tragic past that i have blocked out of my head for so many years and ashamed as it was my fault what happen to me, but i know it is not. Even all the counslers ive seen and physciatrist ive seen ive never revealed this moment, why i dont know…..hope for a brighter future and can get away from my past that i just let out tonight

  5. Posted October 6, 2011 at 5:37 am | Permalink

    Hi “P”

    I will respond tonight. No you were never responsible for the abuse only the perpetrator was guilty. YOu were just a sweet innocent child.

    You hang in there, we will help you work through this


  6. Wendy G.
    Posted April 26, 2012 at 3:58 pm | Permalink

    I was so happy to find this website in the book “Victims No Longer”. I am really hoping it will give me a chance to talk with other people who are going through what I am. Thank you!

  7. Heidi
    Posted June 28, 2012 at 7:16 am | Permalink

    As I am going through my own self awareness of past sex abuse, it comforts me to find this site. It helps partners (of people like myself that are dealing with horrific secrets from the past) know it is ok, others are going through it as well, you are not alone.

  8. Enjo
    Posted July 25, 2012 at 12:27 am | Permalink

    Found this from the book Victims No Longer. I’m 44 and my SO is 22. He chased me. I was molested by my female friend when I was 6-8. She was incested by her alcoholic step dad. Later she made amends to her. My family was violent. Lots of neglect, emotional abuse, love sometimes then withdrawn. My first really serious love affair the guy was drug addict, abusive, raped me, emotionally abusive/verbally. Distancing, angry. He left me 2 weeks before our wedding and 6 months pregnant. I thought I wanted to die. I was date raped on my first date after him. Spent years reclusing. Then was highly promiscuous. Was a food addict..tried to make myself fat. Went through gender dysmporphia rejecting my female side. Even considered surgery. God brought me out of that. I keep getting verbally or emotionally abused. I keep getting with men who start out seeming ok then change on me. Most of my close friends are male and have also been through abuse. I have a hard time trusting females or identifying with them. I tend to want to protect them. I’m actually healing from that. This comes from my relationship with seeing my mom as a weak victim and not wanting to be a victim. I get sexually harassed at work. I have poor boundaries. All of this was getting better when BANG my SO came along. Here’s the crazy part…he is from another country entirely. We talk on skype, FB, and phone. I tried to tell him I am too old. He has been being incested by his dad for 10 years…since age 12. He just got attacked again in April. I’m flooded with not just emotions for him but helplessness. I can’t even hold him. There is NOTHING in India. Cops don’t take even female rape serious. His mom and some family know and DO NOTHING. I begged him to not go back to his dad’s for his college exams..but he went and sure enough his dad attacked him. And no I don’t think it is his fault. He freezes…disassociates. Then he was distancing from me for a month. Then he was so angry. We got through this then everything was ok and then he sabautaged the relationship by being drawn to what he thought was another abuse victim. I broke things off. But I did not end the relationship. I feel called to stand by his side til he 1) sends me away 2) abuse me 3) marries 4) lies or cheats so that I cannot at all trust him….he has not done any of these things. I believe God is what got me through. He does not trust God. That’s part of what he was fighting me about. No, I don’t push that on him either. But it’s part of my boundaries from the start. Many things I thought was true when entering the relationship is not true. I would have stayed only friends had I known more. My fault. I jumped in too fast. But I am committed to be his ally in healing whether we marry or not. I am trying to read as much as I can but the books scare the hell out of me. Really make me feel like running far away. I’m scared to death since he can’t get counseling, doesn’t trust God, the family keeps this a secret and does nothing, the abuse keeps happening..which he even said “So?”….er….I don’t want to be co-dependent. I am also a survivor and dealing with stuff. I tried going to a therapist but I get more answers from the books and reading forums. I need to know if there is a Support Group online preferably or on skype or in person (that’s free as I am not rich) in Colorado for survivors that are partners to survivors. And my main problem is….am I crazy? He’s admitted to many people about his abuse. But he just wants to forget it. It’s kinda like ok so my dad used my body but I am going to forget that and just move forward. I did that after my rape. I thought all was ok. Til at 30 some girls I was working with ran away and got gang raped. Til my ex SO came back, my grandma was dying and then something snapped. I am terrified…if I trust him…will he end up freaking out on me? If we do actually marry…is he going to hurt any I don’t believe in the Vampire Syndrome but if you don’t work on issues then my understanding is he is at risk in duplicating his abuse. He minimizes…has to to survive…he emotionally detaches, distances, and I am a bit afraid as we have been sexual…which I stopped…but he seemed to get aroused with things that make me wonder if he is not re-enacting his abuse. Sometimes my own abuse issues come up so I am worried how can we have a normal sex life as well…I don’t know what kind of therapist to go to. I called a rape crisis line…finally got a therapist but she was not that experienced. Do I need a relationship there therapists for my kind of relationship. It’s a real relationship…he’s talked to my folks, my son etc. But it is online and long distance. Or am I just a crazy person? How can I help him and yet not get hurt myself? How can I trust someone. So many questions..where do I go? Do you have any ideas?

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